


The Missing Cookies

by lady_of_silver_fountains



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Erebor, Gen, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Post-Quest of Erebor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 21:33:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12219360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_of_silver_fountains/pseuds/lady_of_silver_fountains
Summary: Mischief starts. Thorin's wife is the victim and Dwalin's cookies are involved. The Company draws a list of suspects to rule themselves out.





	The Missing Cookies

Thorin, Dwalin, and the nephews went camping for two days. Fili and Kili had been bugging Thorin for the longest time to have everybody go camping again, as if they were on the road in their quest. Thorin quickly denied the first ten requests, but after twenty more pleas, he had no choice but to grumpily comply. Dwalin came with him, so that he did not have to suffer alone. I was put in charge of the mountain while Thorin was gone, although nothing substantial ever happened since the Battle of the Five Armies.

Dwalin had a very dedicated, large jar of cookies in the dining room. And there was a note with giant runes on it that said "You touch, you die."; Thus, nobody ever dared to go near the jar. It was such a serious matter, that Thorin never showed me what this jar looked like.

Early in the morning before the men left, I had woken up with a strange sweetness around my mouth. I sat up, and saw crumbs all over my nightdress. I grew hot with fear, I had believed that this had been another prank performed by Kili. I hadn't been sure if what I ate were Dwalin's cookies, but I had a horrifying feeling that they were. The feeling escaped me, however, because I then realized that I had to meet with Thorin before he left. In my nightdress, I dashed down the stairs to meet the men at the entrance. I felt a chill go up my dress after Dwalin said, "By my beard." Thorin frowned at the sight of me, and approached me, "What are you doing up at this hour?" I looked up at him, with passion brimming in my eyes despite my fatigue and nervousness, "I just wanted to say goodbye, before you left." Thorin's eyes studied mine, as Dwalin's presence made my eyes widen, "...What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I told him abruptly.

Unfortunately, Thorin knew me quite well and did not stop there, "You look distressed," he commented. I smiled, "Of course I am distressed. You are leaving for a number of days," I whispered, before kissing his cheek, and scurrying back up the stairs. 

I couldn't fall back asleep, the guilt was digging into my back. I feared the look of disbelief on Dwalin's face looming over at me as I tried to explain my side of the conflict. I also feared what Thorin would do; I did not want the worst to happen. When daylight came, I dressed myself, and went for the dining room straight away. Already, a few of my dwarf friends noticed that Dwalin's cookie jar was open. Everybody was gathered around the dining table, bickering about who could've done the crime.

"It wasn't me, I swear it!" Bombur exclaimed.

Bofur pointed to Gloin, "I saw you eyein' up that jar last week!"

Gloin snapped, "Don't bring this on me!"

I swallowed, and interrupted, "Gentlemen, please, there is no need for laying blame," I said.

The room grew quiet, and Balin was the one to speak next, "So you know who took the cookies?"

"Uh...um...no, I do not," I replied, without thinking, "But I have a firm belief that none of you were involved." The Dwarves were more relieved to hear this, but now they were contemplating whether Dwalin should know about the incident. Bombur offered to bake more cookies, but Balin argued that Dwalin kept track on how many cookies were in the jar. However, everyone else retorted, saying that they would rather not have Dwalin on a rampage. 

"I say we find out who did it, and make them confess to Dwalin!" Gloin declared. All the others seemed to agree to this, and gathered all around the dining table. I took my seat within the group, as the investigation began. 

"To start," Balin said, taking out a fountain pen and paper, "We should make an account of everyone who was in the dining room starting...yesterday afternoon."

"Aye, I remember seeing the jar full at noon," Bofur confirmed. Dori turned to Bofur, "How would you know that, if you never touched the jar?" Bofur frowned, as Ori backed his older brother up, "If you saw the cookies in the jar, then you touched it!" Bofur quickly defended, "I didn't touch it! The lid was open...and I peeked inside! Bifur was with me too!" Bifur nodded. Despite having an axe in his skull, and only speaking in Khuzdul, Bifur was still a reliable alibi.

"Well, that rules you both out, Bofur," Balin announced, writing down Bifur and Bofur's names and putting a checkmark beside it. He wrote the rest of our names down, and checkmarked himself and Dwalin. I glanced warily at my own name, then looked away. Dori stated that he and Ori were in Dale the entire day, so they were excused...but Nori wasn't. Nori was notorious for stealing, so he remained a suspect. Balin put the pen down, and dismissed those that were excused, "Alright, anybody else?" Bombur stood up, "I was in the kitchen all day, and I even filled that jar yesterday morning under Dwalin's watch!"

Balin nodded, "That'll do, Bombur."

"But I know more!"

Everyone turned to Bombur, more interested than before.

"I remember seeing Kili, Fili, and Oin in here in the late afternoon. Kili and Fili were standing real close to the jar!"

"Aye!" Oin spoke up, "They were askin' me about medicine for their little trip!" Now I was interested; I needed to be sure that it was indeed Kili who stole the cookies, and planted crumbs on me. I turned to Oin, he was right beside me, "Did they talk to each other?" 

Oin held his ear trumpet up at my direction, "What?!"

I spoke louder, "Did they talk to each—"

"You ought to stop whisperin', lass!"

Balin finally asked for me, "Did Fili and Kili talk to each other? Did they touch the jar?"

Oin turned back to Balin, "I don't know! Those two lads were busy whisperin' to each other!"

I sighed, as Balin crossed out Bombur and Oin's names. Gloin stated that he was with his son, Gimli. Gimli wasn't a troublemaker like Kili and Fili, but there were times when Kili had tried to pressure Gimli into doing something unfavourable. Gloin explained that they had their lunch in the dining room, and that they were both very much aware that Dwalin's cookie jar was off limits. And to top it off, Bombur confirmed Gloin's story; he was also excused. I took the initiative, and told Balin that Thorin was at the throne all day. Balin certainly didn't question this, so he checkmarked Thorin's name, "What about you?" I tried to recall what exactly I did yesterday; I did have lunch in the dining room, but I was alone, so I had nobody to vouch for me. Now the only names that remained were mine, Fili, Kili, and Nori's. But Balin stood up, "We need to wait for Fili and Kili to return, so we'll put this off until we can get their stories."

I swallowed, "But Dwalin will surely find out at that time," I said quietly.

"I'll keep him at bay. In the meantime, Bombur can bake more cookies before he arrives."

~~~

The next two days were dreadful. I knew for sure that Kili would never fess up on his prank right away, drawing more suspicion on me, and making the event more amusing for him. But I feared Dwalin; he was larger than Thorin, and had a ferocious temper. Both nights, I had nightmares of Dwalin looming over me, accusing me of eating his cookies. Worst of all, I had nightmares of Thorin and Dwalin fighting. They were very close cousins, and Dwalin was more than loyal to Thorin. However, Thorin would never tolerate anyone showing aggression towards me, and would do anything to protect me. I longed for Thorin to return, not just because I missed him, but so that I could explain what happened before Dwalin could find out, and go into a blind rage. When those two days passed, I was woken up during the middle of the night to see Thorin enter the bedroom. I sat up, drowsy yet overjoyed, and lit a torch for him. He was dripping wet, and he looked extremely exhausted. I stood up, and took his soaked things from him, "You look so tired," I whispered, watching his heavy eyes sympathetically.

"...it rained day and night, we had no fire, our tents would flood every night. Everything we brought was soaked by all the bloody rain...and I got no sleep."

I hugged him, even though his clothes were wet, "My poor King," I said into his chest, "I missed you...I did not sleep well either," I muttered, trying not to fall asleep. I felt him kiss my head, before whispering, "You must return to bed, I will join you shortly." Slowly, I released him, and climbed back into bed. Now I felt more at ease, but I wasn't going to trouble Thorin with Dwalin right now. I watched him take off his wet layers, and toss them on the ground. The only thing that was dry were his trousers, because they were always protected by his tunic. Thorin finally climbed into bed, and dragged me closer.

"I should have brought you with us, you would have kept me dry."

~~~

The next morning, we were rudely awoken by the sound of someone pounding at our bedroom door. It could've been any Dwarf at the door, but based on how aggressive this person was knocking...it had to be Dwalin. Thorin groaned, "This better be good," he grumbled, climbing out of bed. I sank down further into the bed, and covered myself just below my eyes; I was terrified, Dwalin sounded furious and he hadn't even uttered a word. Thorin opened the door for him, but Dwalin pushed by him before he could question him. I gasped under the covers, as Dwalin charged right up to me.

"Where are they?!"

Thorin furrowed his eyebrows, and frowned, "Where are what?"

"My cookies!"

"Dwalin, everyone knows not to breathe on those things."

Dwalin narrowed his eyes at me, his nostrils flaring with rage, "Kili and Fili told me that you took them!" I stared at Dwalin with fear, would he believe me if I told him that I honestly never took them? I lowered the covers, "I-I never touched them!" Dwalin stepped closer, now towering over me. Thorin pulled him back, "Are you mad?! Morgan would never steal!" Dwalin turned sharply to Thorin, "I know not to trust Kili's word, but if Fili says it's true, then it must be! Balin showed me a list the lads drew up, and everyone is accounted for except for Morgan!"

"That means nothing!" Thorin argued, "I will not have you threaten her!" 

I climbed out of bed, "That list is not finished! Nori is still liable!"

"He was with a lady," Dwalin grumbled, "You have no witness," he growled, glaring at me. Thorin moved to my side, "This is pathetic!" Dwalin sent a sharp glance at him, "I don't like her touchin' my things," he muttered. Thorin moved in front of me, and his voice began to escalate, "She has more right, because she is your Queen just as much as I am your King. I know that you despise her, for whatever childish reason, but I will not let you scare her and accuse her!" I grabbed his arm, "Please don't fight, Thorin," I whimpered. I couldn't see Dwalin's face, but I saw his fists clench up, and I felt the room become more and more tense; I couldn't let them fight! Thorin jerked his arm away from me, "Release me! I will settle this!"

"WAIT!"

Both Fili and Kili ran into our bedroom. It was Fili who had shouted, and it got both Thorin and Dwalin's attention. I sighed in relief, and sat on the bed. Kili had a big grin on his face, much to my distaste. "It was me," Kili admitted, "I took the cookies, and put the crumbs on Auntie while she was sleeping. It was all for fun!"

"Fun?!" Thorin snapped, "You think frightening your Aunt is fun?!"

Dwalin was now approaching Kili, fuming, "I'll show you what's bloody fun!" Kili shrank back, and bolted out of the room. Dwalin stormed after him like a raging boar. Fili stayed, glancing down submissively, as Thorin scolded him, "I expected more from you; you lied against your Aunt to spare your brother's foolish prank! It was because of you that she was wrongly accused of something that she would never do!" Fili gave his eyes to me, "I'm very sorry, Auntie. I didn't mean to cause any harm...I didn't know Dwalin would take that much anger out on you." I gave him a small smile, "...it's alright," I told him. I could forgive him much easier than Kili, because Kili was very skilled at peer pressuring his brother. I stood up, and walked up to him, "Perhaps you could help me get him back?" Fili smirked, and looked over me at Thorin.

"Sure thing, Auntie."

I turned, just to see Thorin nod.


End file.
